Oh my goodness I was acting a total ass at the party Saturday. I would not have cared that I showed my ass but my husband was there ...........yes Tony was there I brought him with me I had 2 glasses of Grey Goose before we left the house and I was feeling tipsy but as soon as we got in I went to the bar and got another drink. 2 of my club members kept taking my glass and making me sit down like I was acting a total fool. The thing is I don't rememer much it's like I blacked out it was so scary CeeCee even spoke to me I called her the next day and she said I was dancing with her nephew and dropping it like it was hot in front of him and Tony was standing right behind him then her nephew smacked me on the ass later I was sandwiched inbetween Crazy Dogg and Lil Dog. It was just a disaster and I never ment to disrespect TOny like that boy was he pissed he was trying to leave me talking about one of those niggas could have taken me home. I called him all kinds a bitch mutherfuckers and shit yeah it was horriable and I am so embarrassed by my behavior that night it's no telling what else I did for real. I have got to watch my drinking not remembering shit is scary and this is like the 5th time it has happen to me.
I even told him Thomas was gay I did not mean to but everything was just coming out I was being so mean and nasty.
I told him I was sorry this morning when he was taking me to the train station but he did not respond. I derserve what ever is going to come my way I admit I was wrong real wrong that drinking does it to me everytime I just should have stopped while I was ahead.

Okay lets see
Thomas went to the movies with his friend Herman the 18 year old guy now when he came in to meet us he had 2 other guys with him (gay) and Jasmine the guy Herman looked to be about 16 hisself and was just as fruity as a fruit cake. He seemed like a nice guy I let Thomas go and when I watched them get in the car Thomas got in the front (odd I think it was a date or something) That night when he got to the house nobody was home he called me asking where we were and talking about he left his key and could not go in I was think "aaww naw no you don't your not going back to Hermans crib at 12 midnight". I said " Either go to Ms. clarissa's house or go to aunt Nickee's". He went to Nickee's house.
Tonight he starts choir practice at church I hope he likes it shoot maybe this may help him find his true self . Then I have to really get the girls in the YOF at church as well.
my little sister Jackie is having an abortion no one has told my dad but my step mother knows and I guess will be taking her I feel for her I've had 3 of them myself and it's emotional
I wanted to call O'Shay last night while Tony was out but for some reason I could not bring myself to make the call Okay the truth I am afraid of rejection and I don't want to call him and he say something like "Yeah what you want". or something about me not getting with him I mean just anything I don't want to hear. I so want to call him but I think I'll go by the next time where together and see what his Vibe is like then I'll start calling him. I really like him and think he is so cute
I have a co-worker who is fat and all she does is talk about fat people it drives me crazy I want to say "Hey fat ass shut up,put that cookie down and get to work. but that would be wrong.
Sonya sent me a e-mail that said "Please say you coming". which was in refferance to the sleep over her aunt Natalie invited me too. Now I want to go because she will be there and maybe I can get my kitty kat licked, sucked and all that good nasty stuff but then I don't because she is so obvious and has no problems hanging all over me once the drinks get to flowing and I don't want her aunts knowing how I roll understand? Plus not to mention Tony has not gave me permission damn that's weird sometimes I wish I was not married and could date who ever I wanted, get money and just work my mo jo

My bike club president Cee Cee called and said we were invited to a caberet in Jersey and she called the people she knew would roll with her. And I was siced I was one of the chosen ones anyway Saturday after the party we went to the Dirty's club house and if you could have seen the way O'Shay was chceking me out I was like damn he was watching my every move
Check this shit out Cee Cee called today and said the whole club wants to go to Jersey now so she had to tell Hefty to book us to more rooms since Dirty was going too. You know what that means right? O'Shay will be there oh my goodness damn I can see us hugged up all night but then again at the end of the conversation Saturday night he was like "I think it's best I should leave you alone". and he has not called me I guess he ment that or maybe I should call and check on him while Tony goes to hang out with his mens and em yeah I'll do that and just my luck Tony won't go out boy oh boy.
I gave some dude my number and I gave him 7336 instead of 7339 it's still hard for me to remember this voicemail number. I think this bike club shit is going to get me in big trouble I have to learn to keep my emotions and feeling hidden I tend to fall hard for guys and then treat home different and that's how Tony always finds out I'm being up to no good.
I want O'Shay and a bad as it may seem I won't stop until I do

Yesterday when I got home from work everything was normal not that I expected my son to be sitting at the table in a dress but I don't know I'm just glad everything was normal it's like I know but shit I always new so anyway. I had asked Tony to make sure under NO circumstances could Thomas go to the movies with this Herman guy who is 19 years old. to be honest that is the only reason it has nothing to do with me thinking this is a date or anything it's just this Herman guy (man) is too old to hang around my 16 year old son okay. Tony still does not know anything about what Thomas told me. Last night while he was cooking he told Thomas he could not hang with people that much older then him and he should hang with guys his own age I felt so much bettter since it does not make mommy the bad guy for once (smile)
I wonder if he has had sex yet with a guy (yuck I feel sick ) yes I am a hypocrite I think it's okay between females but when I think of men it curdles my stomach
I told my cousion Lynn about Thomas she always thought he was gay anyway so she helped me feel a lot better. She's the only person I plan to tell I can't even tell my sister she is a gay basher and I just pray to God her kids grow up to be straight
O well enough of that Tony and I made love this morning and it was okay it would have been better if his breath was not so rank I kept trying to hide my face in the pillow like I was screaming from pleasure
My girl Shawn has a friend who reads my other blog and he keeps trying to see what I look like he had the nerve to tell her he wanted to see a pic of me since I sound so confident. That boy is in for it when he finally does see me the first attempt of a flirt with me and I'ma snap

Last night it finally came out my son (16) told me he is Bi-Sexual I believe he told me this to lesson the blow I think he is full gay. I hvae known this since he was like in the 4th grade. The teachers were telling me something about him playing jump rope witht he girls and when I asked him about playing withthe boys he said they were to rough and sometimes he felt like a girl inside .........aaaaarrrrggggghhhh I told him we would pray it out of him and we prayed for what it was worth. Then it was other shit just always using the word "Friend". and never any names. him having a best friend as a female who is rough I thought she was gay as well and them hanging was just a cover up you know how they do. Then it was never any guy friends around or calling him to hang out. Then the time this gay guy wanted to fight him about 2 years ago and we still don't know what for. He was all crying and stuff scared to death to fight. The way he fusses with females, holds his hands, rolls his eyes I mean all the signs are there and why my husband does not see it is crazy or maybe he does and is in denial well he has asked me not to tell his dad which is hard for me since Tony and I are best friends and I tell him everything. Damn shit is so complicated and now he has to go through life with this gay stuff aaaaawwwwwwww I want him to be straight how much easier life will be for him.